I found my new favourite twitter account
When you order something online and it finally comes
When your fleshlight finally arrives.
I wonder what its like to slow dance with your boyfriend in your kitchen at 2 am to your favorite song in your pajamas
stay the fuck away from my boyfriend and my pajamas
Is it illegal to have sex in a dressing room
I’ve gotten in trouble for jerking it in one soBut is itillegal
I jerked off in a dressing room do I sound like a lawyer
Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.